Five things that grind my gears.

Not literally, there is only one thing that actually, physically grinds my gears and that's the knackered syncromesh in my tatty BMW. Also, it doesn't upset me, it makes me remember, we're all flawed, but it doesn't mean we're all bad people. No, these are five things that grind my gears in the figurative, I'm really just yelling to myself, atrocities I observe in the motoring world. I hope you agree, you better!

1. Daytime Running Lights.

DRLs are up there as one of the shittest additions to the world of the motor-car in the 21st Century.

When they first appeared, they were generally cheap and chintzy looking. It upset me how they could ruin an otherwise good-looking car. (see: first-gen Audi R8).

Their aesthetic appeal is not what grinds my gears however. As time has passed and technology evolved, DRLs can be rather attractive nowadays.

The reason they annoy me is two-fold. One, they are legislated upon us. An EU directive was signed-off in 2008 making them mandatory on any car manufactured from February 2011 onward.

Subsequently, manufacturers followed the rules, but felt that along with DRLs, dashboards should automatically illuminate also. I'm not sure how this became universal, but they all do it.

So that brings me to my second grievance. Due to lit-up dashboards and some light being shone from out front, the number of people driving around with no rear lights on at night is terrifying. I can't blame the drivers...well I could....but I'm going to blame the tech.

Ban it, immediately.

2. Bull-Bars

Before I continue, I should make clear that these grievances are listed in no particular order.

I only feel the need to say this, because I want it to be known that Bull-Bars being second means it is no lesser an issue than daytime running lights. Far from it.

Bull-Bars probably upset me more than anything else I see on the public highway.

People doing the school-run with 4-inch round-bar stuck to the front of their Qashqai. Located just at the right height for a primary-school child's head. Car design is entirely dictated by safety nowadays and rightly so. Manufacturers literally spend billions designing and integrating features to help protect people from serious injury, both inside and out.

Then it is 100% OK and legal for someone to roll off a forecourt and stick a ram-raid device to the front of their new car. This, despite the fact they live in a suburban housing estate and not the Australian Outback.

Bull-bars can be fitted on collapsible frames and/or made of very thin steel, but balls to all of that. No one is policing this and you can bet the life insurance policy on the hunch that most people who fit death grilles to their cars, either don't know or don't care with what or how it is made.

Ban, immediately.

3. Touchscreens

I know I'm flogging a dead-horse with this here, but at least I know that I'm definitely not alone on this one.

No one asked for touchscreens. Steve Jobs decided that's what he wanted, he shouted at people to make it so; and now the button is dead. (I'm mean actual buttons, I wasn't calling Steve Jobs a button).

Phones are one thing, but touchscreens in cars are so far beyond annoying, that it would make me question owning a car that had one.

A car is constantly moving, especially in Ireland where we are unable to achieve the goal of a smooth road surface. So when trying to use a touchscreen on the move, your finger and the "button" are never perfectly in-sync.

This then requires you to look away from the road for longer, as you need to focus harder to turn down your air-con.

How is this any less safe than using a phone, which is illegal. I am not promoting the use of phones while driving, but a phone is at least handheld, so you have control of it, but you can't hold your center console in your car steady.

Stupid! Shout out to Honda, who in the recently face-lifted Civic, they've actually brought back buttons to their infotainment system.

4. Misuse of pedestrian crossings

Now, I am all for the road system being a shared space. I am a motorist, cyclist and a pedestrian, in about equal measure, so I see that we can all live together in a peaceful and respectful manner.

However, there are sadistic, self-involved heathens who saunter up to traffic-light equipped pedestrian crossings and regardless of whether the road is clear or not, automatically press the button. Then, once finally realising the road was clear all along, they see no need to wait for the green-man (so not woke) and make their travels across the road before he has even reared his head.

Of course, when he eventually does, the light for the traffic has gone red, just in-time to completely slow the flow of traffic unnecessarily.

I don't wish to point all blame at pedestrians. Just the other day I was unnecessarily stopped at a red-light, but not by a pedestrian. The person who had initiated the changing of the illumination was a lady on an electric scooter.

She had already crossed the road at this point, as it was clear, but had used the crossing to go from pavement to road. To top off this performance, at the next red-light, an actual junction red-light, the scooter-mentalist ignored that one and went on her merry-way. 5. Turbodiesel crossovers

Crossovers are a hateful segments of the car market generally. It saddens me that they have become the go-to family transport for the masses.

I remember a world where people drove saloons and hatchbacks, simpler, better times. Times when the masses didn't drive diesel cars either. Diesels were slow and smelly and fuel prices were low.

Then things changed, diesel became "clean", governments gave diesel tax-cuts and in just a couple of years the pendulum swung diesel's way; and at peak, diesel car-sales made up for almost 80% of the market.

With diesel, comes torque. Add a turbo and you add more torque.

I still live a naturally aspirated, petrol world. I like it, my NOx is low and my engine is pleasing to the ears. What it does mean though, is my 20-year-old BMW has next-to-no torque.

Again, I'm ok with this, the only time it grinds my gears, is when Karen in her Tiguan is stuck to my rear bumper as we pull away from the lights. Her insatiable torque hunger making her give me the stink-eye in my rear-view as if to say, "WHY ARE YOU HOLDING ME UP?"

Thankfully, diesel is on it's way-out, but it is being replaced by electricity, which is rich in....torque.

There's no hope.

That's the weight of my chest for today. This is by no means a comprehensive list (nor should all of it be taken seriously). Let me know if you agree, disagree or what grinds your gears?